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11/25/2012

life

it's been busy lately. odd times, not bad, but I'd rather see them gone anyway...
this year has been a huge challange - I've been living in between different places, people and duties, spending long hours on trains, sleeping on different beds and couches, longing for sth more stable to come. most of the time totally hard up and lost without a place I'd be able to call home. it's so incredibily difficult to live with a feeling that wherever you go, you reach the very same place - and that this is not the right place for you. at this point journey is not an alternative: the ability to come back home makes journey what it is.

almost three years ago I've decided to leave everything and move to belgrade to be with mr. sewer. I've packed all my stuff and moved them to my parents house 200 km away from gdańsk, left job in a cultural centre, returned keys to my rented apartment and - with no clear plan and savings - got on a bus to belgrade. some people think it was brave, I say it was a thing to do.
belgrade wasn't easy, but was very important and I never regreted going there - even during this long struggle after I got back to poland last year.

now I'm finally back in gdańsk for a while - I've rented a good appartment, I work for another cultural institution, pay my rent and wait for mr. sewer to visit. for many it may seem like nothing's changed, but for me this is a totally different life. I learn - step by step - this new reality, try not to make the same mistakes as I used to, struggle not to forget about things I've learnt and planned. old, well known frames are sometimes misleading, so I keep my eyes open, try to build a new, good rutine and finally really be where I am. I guess this will take me a while.
this is not a dream-reality, this is a compromise on the way of making dreams a reality and that's perfectly fine for now:)

I know I sometimes smuggle some facts from my life here, but I never really said how this life has been looking like lately. I love this silly blog and I would love to be here more often, but the lack of some stability can make blogging impossible from time to time.
even now, when everything should be easier, I have a feeling that even though changes happen fast, getting used to them is a more time consuming process.

but it's all ok. life's good.

-oh
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